Reno(vate) or Relo(cate)?

It's one of the few shows I watch on the boob tube and I'm applying that question to my blog.

I have a 17-year history with keeping an online journal. I was blogging before it was called "blogging". I also have a long history of packing up and moving house... not unlike my online blogging history. Somewhere out there is another blog I've abandoned.

While I don't treat my personal relationships this way, I do have a reason for the repeated jumping of ships. You see, a blog is an online extension of myself. It presents a real, albeit very incomplete, part of me. When I evolve (so Pokemon-ish), I stop being the person who used to write the entries. Her struggles are no longer mine. I have moved on, and I think so must the blog.

Staying on, for me, is like wearing a pair of old jeans - they are comfy, but they have ceased to represent your old style.

That said, I am at a point in my life when I seek some semblance of permanence. Moving away is too taxing on the body, mind, and spirit.

So, after that long attention-seeking intro that is so typical of me, I now face my latest choice: do I renovate this blog to match my current evolution (still homo sapiens), or do I do as I usually do: pack up and run?

Waiter, I'll have another beer, please. Thanks.

Does everything really happen for a reason or is that just a way for us humans to attempt to comprehend something incomprehensible - the new opiate for the masses?

The Daily (Doggy) Grind: How I Rue About The Chew(ies)!

Because our canines are fed a kibble-based diet (this will change soon - that's a separate post altogether), they need to brush their teeth and chew on various "teeth-cleaning" chewies. And such expensive things they are!

Two "bones" made of compressed rawhide will keep two dogs busy for about half an hour - just enough to alleviate boredom. It costs 80Php or about 2USD. A dollar for each dog for half an hour of teeth-cleaning fun. Ouch.

A 6-pack of 3-inch edible chewbones costs 70Php or about 1.80USD. One pack keeps all five canines (Deedee is a chewing machine) busy for another half hour. Double ouch.

If I went to Chatuchak (a huge outdoor market in Central Bangkok), I could get both of these things for less than 1USD.

On second thought, if my canines were eating as a wild dog does, they need none of these highly-processed things! What wolf in the wild needs chewthings made with tapioca starch, guar/xantham gum, and possibly even artificial coloring? How do all these contribute to strong, shiny teeth? Heck, I even brush their teeth with enzymatic veterinary toothpaste and their breath is still "doggy"...

I really think it's time for a change!

*** Edit: All five canines - Douglas, Nikka, Hunter, Deedee and Lilly - are now on raw meat (chicken like manna from heaven!), and virtually all the deposits on their teeth are gone - except for the little bits on Nikka's and Hunter's back teeth. I still brush them to get them off.

In Defense of J

In September, it will be five years old. "It" being my relationship with J.

In the beginning, nobody was happy for us. Especially my family, first and foremost my mother. At that time, I couldn't understand why they were so opposed to it. Aren't they happy their eldest daughter got out of an unhealthy relationship and moved on to something that just might be for life?

J takes care of me, puts my own happiness first, makes sure I am healthy. J indulges my idiosyncrasies, puts up with my temper, lets me go at it with my bad habits. J is my greatest strength. J is my greatest weakness.

When J and I met, I was an empty shell - alive on the outside, dead on the inside - having just emerged from a nowhere-bound relationship. J had just gotten out of a shitty romance. J and I found each other; we fought for what we had.

I has been five years (almost)... and in defense of J, whom most still think is unfit for me, this I will say: J has given me my reason to live again. So anyone who wishes me dead can just wish J and I never met.

But we did, and I am here to stay. Deal with it.

The (not-so) Secret

My friend, Gee, told me a story one day. Her officemate, Girl R, is a stunner. Tall, slim, doll-faced... with a legion of guys (and an occasional girl) lusting after her and asking to court her - she has declined each and every time. That's because she has a boyfriend since high school, Guy Q - not bad looking but not good looking either. Recently, Guy Q broke up with Girl R... because Guy Q is seeing someone on the side. In Gee's words: "Kung sino pa ang hindi ka-gwapuhan, sya pa ang may ibang babae" (Contextually: How come it's the not-so-good looking guys who see other women on the side?)

I think, after so many failed relationships... I have found the secret to keeping your man by your side.

It is this: Love him enough to make him feel important but not too much to make him complacent. Hold on to him tight enough to let him know he's important but not too much to smother him. Pamper him enough to make him feel special but not too much as to spoil him rotten. Lastly, make yourself available to him enough to let him know he matters... but not too much that he will take you for granted.

But who cares? I may have found the secret to keeping my man but... I, for one, don't give a crap anymore. Harharhar...

Addendum: I don't think this would apply to girlfriends... not unless your girl thinks like a guy! Wifey and I have been together for over four years and I never had to apply those things to her. I guess I have found the secret to keeping your woman by your side: be the right person for your woman, and make sure your woman is the right one for you.

Love (and Christmas) is in the air!

I have a dream...

And that is to be...

*drum roll*

A housewife.

Yes, you got that right: the very thing my own mother warned me not to become. The very thing she chose to be when my younger brother was born into this world. The very thing she and my dad decided she would be to be there for our (their children's) growing years.

Momsie was on her way to a high-powered career. She was working for a multinational company, she had the brains, she had the skills, and she had that "corporate" attitude - something along the lines of "mess with me and you will rue the day your mother went into labor".

I got all that from her - my temper (more fiery and hair-trigger), my taray looks, my ease when it comes to communication (even in a language I do not speak), my razor-sharp tongue (I have made onion-skinned people cry with my normal speaking tone), and lately my "more corporate" look (up until three years ago, my style of dress is more of "collegiate" but I digress").

What I did not get from her is the "corporate dream". I never dreamed of becoming a high-powered executive, driving a luxury car (I'd prefer a pick-up truck!), toting the requisite laptop-BB-handbag combo (a laptop and a non-QWERTY phone will be a-ok), dressed to the nines (this part I can do, hehe), and living in a penthouse condo unit (a home on a farm, please).

All I want is to stay home with my dogs, my (future) kids, my (future) businesses, and keeping house. I'd like to be blogging about my day, the stuff I cook, things from the market, the latest in dogs and kids... you know, a stress-free (in the office/corporate sense of the word) kind of life.

I was home sick a few days ago and, though my body was heavy and wracked with fever with eyes burning like it had ten chili peppers in it, I found I still enjoyed doing the dishes, thinking of dinner, sweeping up the millions of hair my dogs shed, doing the laundry and mopping the floor (my latest addiction).

Momsie said, to be a housewife is to not have your own money (that's why I will put up a business) and to be a victim to routine (which is why I will keep more than one blog, and take lots of pictures). Now, more than a quarter of a century after she first said that to me, I still say I want to become what my mother is.

** Oh yes, PMS-ing!

48 hours down, 48 hours to go...

The plane left at 9:35PM on the dot. We arrived 25 minutes early. Definitely a first for me...

48 of the best hours this month, so far. 48 to go and I am getting sadder by the moment. Whenever I'm here, I never want to go back to Manila. When I'm in Manila, all I think about is the next time I come here (and eat som tam coz I'm takaw like dut...) - crazy I know but I love it here. I love this city more than I love the city I have lived in for the later half of my life.

I want to call this home but I can't.

It was not meant to be.

Just like you and me.

And so, as I need to say farewell to this beautiful city I wish were my own, I need to say goodbye to you too. You, whom I wish were my own too.

Time will heal all wounds.

Pray tell... why do I write such incoherent posts lately?

You Were Saying?!?

ONE: Do you love me today?

TWO: Bakit naman "today" lang? Lagi naman kitang mahal...

ONE: It's only today that matters to me. Hindi naman natin alam kung may bukas pa tayo eh. Our "today" is the only time we have that we are certain is really ours.

TWO: What do you mean by that? Love mo ba ako today tapos bukas hindi na? Bukas ba iiwan mo na ako?

ONE: Hindi sa ganun. Hindi natin alam, baka bukas masagasaan ako ng tren. Baka bukas mabangga ako ng truck, maholdap at masaksak, atakihin sa puso sa stress, hindi na magising...

TWO: Kaya nga nag-iingat diba? Para sigurado tayong may bukas pa tayo para magmahalan?

ONE: Hindi din kasiguraduhan yun... pag oras mo na, oras mo na.

TWO: Nakakalungkot naman isipin.

ONE: Wag mo nang isipin... dadating yan kung kelan dapat. It's a matter of "when", not "if". So... do you love me today?

TWO: Yes, I love you today. I loved you yesterday and every day before that since the day I realized it. I will love you tomorrow and every day I will live thereafter.

ONE: That sounds so nice... but we don't know that either... As long as you love me today, I'll be ok. That's enough for me.

There's A Fine, Fine Line...

Yes, I saw Avenue Q with Paolo the other night. Aside from singing along like two 3-year olds in front of Sesame Street (with nudity and foul words), I also felt like sticking a knife between my ribs hearing this song again after ten million years... Okay, two years.

This is a song by Kate Monster after Princeton dumps her to find his purpose (ugh, I do hate that word). Emphasis 100% mine...

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

I sure hope you're not wasting my time as I am making sure I'm not wasting yours. Coz that would suck...

This Is Why I Hate Math...

Through the years, my Math teachers always had that great power to inflict pain on me. All they had to do was start with: "If A = B and B= C, then A = C"... Give me a few seconds and my brows furrow in irritation. A few more minutes and my skin starts to blister. A couple more minutes and I'll run screaming out the door where uniformed attendants are waiting to strait-jacket me and tie me to a front-row desk. Okay... the last two sentences were just in my over-active imagination, but am sure you get the picture.

So, on the topic of "If A=B... " ek-ek.-ology.. this is my opinion: If someone is important to you, you don't necessarily love him/her. But if you love someone, it is automatic that he/she is important to you. Agree?

I, for one, definitely do. Of course I would not have written those words for someone had I not believed them in the first place. But yes, I do believe that loving someone immediately elevates that person's importance in your life by 100 steps.

So... I would much rather be loved than to be deemed important (a digression: politics was never one of my aspirations. I'd rather be loved than to be made important. You know, love is all that matters and all that crap...), that much is true. But I do wish I would be loved enough to be deemed important.

A is not always equal to C.

Relasyones Chuvaness!

From Facebook:

"... a successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper everytime. Each time on a whole new level you together open in love and discover the truth of your beloved anew. There is no limit to the beauty of your beloved. If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing."

Awww gawd...

Well, what if the relationship in itself is something that your family and society in general frowns upon? What if it is something God forbids?

What...ever!

Day 23: Sawasdee Kha, Bangkok... Day 24: Mabuhay, Manila

Day 23: The Three Little Pigs fell asleep at 4am. Dad woke us up at 7:00am and we were in Lumpini Park by 7:45am. We took lots of pictures in the park, which I realized, has a Burnham Park meets UP Diliman Academic Oval vibe.

As the sun rose, the temperature went higher and we indulged in a little bit of guava juice and lots of time in the playground. Pictures to follow on FaceBook. Friends-only though...

On our way back home, we passed by a vendor near the Zuellig World building selling cakes. One type had green "cream" while another had white. Four greens plus four whites went for twenty baht. Twenty freaking baht! Try getting them in a Thai resto here in Manila and you'll pay 70 to 100 baht for four measly pieces! Argh! Anyway, the takoh cakes here in Manila are usually reminiscent of maja blanca - with corn bits embedded in the cake. The ones I got in Bangkok had either yam (green "cream") or some sort of sweetened root crop (white "cream" - texture similar to singkamas).

For lunch, Popsie and The Three Little Pigs went down the street from the condo for some kai yang (roasted chicken -we had one leg/thigh and 8 wings), sticky rice in a woven basket and somtam (salad of shredded unripe papaya tossed with fish sauce, sugar, water, lime juice, tomatoes and dried shrimps) that we requested: mai sai prik - do not put chili. I learned the hard way that asking for anything to be "little spicy" is not a safe bet... "a little' is relative!

Passing by Manang's store, we bought a few limes and a couple of potatoes... for my afritada It would've been a success except that Thai tomato sauce was sour to the max, so I ended up having to add sugar and butter to make the afritada seem less like chicken pickles! Harharhar...

Before dinner, Sissy and I headed back to Ete at the Silom Complex for my last hurrah at cookie dough ice cream. Unfortunately they didn't have it so I settled for a duo of Nutella and Green Tea (both tasted what they should taste like: Nutella and Green Tea) while Sissy had a duo of Mocha Crunch (fantastic!) and Bannofi (not too good - the banana component was too artificial).

At 8:30pm, we left for the airport. Nobody was in tears! Instead, we were laughing and joking with each other all the way from the cab until I went into Immigration at 10 minutes before 11pm. In between, I had to remove the shampoo and body wash I packed because I was two kilos overweight. Had I known they were not going to weight my check-in luggage... I would have packed my check-in to ten kilos then stuffed the shampoo and body wash into my check in luggage! Durnit! Anyway, we stayed near the edge of the airport by the convenience store joking around, taking pictures, teasing each other and generally having a good time!

My flight was delayed by 15 minutes (not bad), before which Doc Ceccz asked me if I wanted to join her and Rei at Prov... errr? Hehehe... I teared up when the plane began to move into position for take-off. I slept on and off for two hours (first hour, I ate and read the bible), waking up only when the pilot announced our final descent to Manila. I teared up again... I was back in Manila... whether I liked it or not!

Jen and Joc were at Terminal 3 to pick me up when I got out at 5:20am. Between plane, luggage pickup and immigration (ghost town), it took me a little over ten minutes and I was in a cab home. We deposited my stuff at home, got the stuff for Jen's family then sped over to Caloocan via LRT. I played with Nikka (my, she's gotten huge!) then slept like the dead. Woke up a few hours later and had early dinner/late lunch of mechado that Jen requested especially for the day (thanks Mama F!).

Back at home, I sorted my purchases into their respective laundry piles then promptly fell back asleep. Kyx arrived at around 11pm with... dyaraaan! A huge bouquet of stargazers and purple lilies! Beautiful (but so huge... in his words, pang-Miss Universe)! Calla lilies na lang,kumpleto na ang favorite flowers ko! Hahahaha... He and Momsie made chika for a while. In the meantime, I watched CSI: New York! (KJ, yes, I know!)

So there... am back in Manila... whether I like it or not! I'd like to go back... In time for Song Kran, I hope!

Day 22: My Last Hurrah... Blue Pill, Please!

I'm still in denial that yesterday was my last full day in Bangkok (and later, the last time I'll be sleeping in this house for this trip) so I woke up a little later than usual. I even logged on to my work email, answered emails, posted documents and other such work-related things. I also made lunch (ginisang giniling and buttered veggies - snowpeas, carrots and baby corn), which Dad was unable to eat coz he had an 11am to 12nn meeting (I can relate).

After lunch, I washed plates, poked around FaceBook, lurked in a few blogs... then took a bath. A few minutes before Sissy and I were to leave for Central World, the heavens opened up and cried for me. Aaaawwww, I know how it feels! I really hate to leave.

The rain abated at 4pm and on to the BTS - Sala Daeng station Sissy and I went (Sis opted to stay home and sleep). We got off at the Siam station and walked to Central World. We got Bro's Skullcandy Asym earphones in white then stopped by Gelate on the second floor. We had blackberry (nicely sweet and tart but full of those gosh-darned seeds!) and vanilla bean! Yum!

We took the BTS back to Sala Daeng and went on to Body Shop at Silom Complex. On our way out, we spotted Ete - a shop that claims to sell home-made ice cream. Being ice cream, monsters, Sissy and I sat down to Mint Chocolate Chip and Rookie Rocky (rocky road meets cookies and cream). We had originally wanted Cookie Dough and Bannofee but they were out of stock. I'm still gonna try tomorrow, even if it means being late for my flight! Harhar...

Popsie and the Three Little Pigs sat down to a dinner of lunch leftovers plus kai thot from my favorite vendor on Convent - I'll miss those guys! After dinner... more ice cream! Dad finished off the quart of Rum Raisin from Swensen's while Sis and I tried but failed to conquer the Midnight Brownies. Partida, I ate almost a quarter of a whole papaya before I even started on the ice cream!

Plans for tomorrow include: jogging at Lumpini Park in the morning (I also want to take pictures in one of the park's many playgrounds), lunch at the kai yang place on Convent, a trip to Ete for Cookie Dough ice cream, and an early lunch at Manong English along Convent. But you know what they say about plans: they're but plans till they actually happen!

Goodnight, guys! See you in Manila!

*sigh*

Day 20: Three More Days, More Cooking and Rain, Finally!

I woke up after 9am yesterday. It has become quite a habit and I hope I don't carry it over to Manila, when I need to go back to work (argh!).

Like I said, for lunch, I just reheated the gambas I cooked the other night (made specifically for next-day consumption) and what was left of the sinigang. After lunch, I defrosted a kilo of chicken thighs (seven huge pieces) and stuck them in a marinade. For those who'd want to replicate it (this is for you, Sissy, since you love it so much), here's how I did it:

Wash the chicken thighs and clean out the butts if they're still stuck on there. Get a gallon-size Ziplock bag - make sure it's clean! Into the bag, pour in about four tablespoons of good patis (fish sauce), the juice of three limes (the tiny Thai ones) and about a teaspoon of ground black pepper. Smoosh around to mix then toss the chicken pieces in. Burp as much air from the bag as possible and seal. Smoosh the chicken around to ensure even distribution. Store in the chiller section of your fridge while it marinates. If the chicken pieces are a bit thick, score on the non-skin surface to facilitate cooking.

Heat up a bit of oil in a non-stick pan, about 1/8 inch deep. Heat up to 160 degrees Celsius (at least that's what the induction cooker says the temp is). Pat the chicken pieces with a paper towel to get rid of excess marinade (don't be tempted into allowing it to drip into the hot oil, it won't add flavor. It'll just burn due to the sugars from the lime, trust me) then place it skin-side down on the hot oil. Cook for 3-4 minutes or until the skin browns and crisps up. Lower the temperature to 130 degrees Celsius and flip the piece of chicken. Cook for 5 to 7 minutes or until juices run clear.

Ideally, the meat should stay in the marinade overnight. The first four pieces that I cooked for dinner last night stayed in the marinade for less than four hours but was already flavorful. The last three pieces should taste better for lunch later (paired with pad thai from Mom's favorite vendor on Thanon Convent. Must remind her - mai sai prik!) and I can't wait!

I also reheated the last of the chop suey (discovered the survivors in a microwaveable container at the rear-most reaches of the fridge) with some of the broccoli I blanched earlier yesterday. Perfect!

So I didn't leave the house, as it rained several times today. Plans to go to Central World for last-minute purchases was thwarted by Mother Nature. Awww darn, I had three days left until I need to head back to Manila (aka, the Real World) and I lost one day to the rain. Ironically, I love the rain and I was glad it rained today - it was getting too warm. Still... one day lost! Oh agony! (I'm kidding, of course)

Later on today (since it's not almost 4am), I'm going to the laundromat to help the sisters load their washing. Then head out to Thanon Convent for the pad thai - must be there at 11am. Lunch hour gets crazy! After lunch, the Three Little Pigs will head out to Central World for last-minute purchases which will include (available merchandise and remaining baht willing): a baseball cap, ground coriander, microwave anti-spatter dome, and some toiletries for the sisters. Of course, a trip to Central World warrants another visit to Gelate. I wonder if their Lemon Sorbet is any good...

Day 19: Central World, More Cooking and Internet Failure

Yesterday, I did a little bit of cooking too. Just seasoned some beautiful pork loins with salt, pepper and granulated garlic before shallow pan-frying them to just-cooked juiciness. Paired this with the last of yesterday's chop suey. Thank goodness, goodbye chop suey. Enough consumption for one year, methinks.

After lunch, the Three Little Pigs went to Big C to purchase the last of the stuff I want to bring back to Manila. After the purchases (and a pint of DQ Oreo Blizzard), we went on to Central World, which is like Shangri-La Mall (on Shaw Blvd) on steroids. A little bit of cam-whoring in the ladies' room (yeah, we are a picture-hungry lot!) and a lot of walking around, we settled into three scoops of amazing gelato at Gelate on the fourth floor. The Ferrero tasted exactly like its namesake: crushed, refrigerated and made creamier. The kiwi was like peeling, pureeing and freezing the fruit then popping it in your mouth: kiwi-flavored brain freeze! It was beautifully flecked with those tiny black seeds. The passionfruit was the best of the lot, in my opinion and Sissy's. It was appropriately sweet, tart and luscious. A perfect palate cleanser after the decadence of the Ferrero and a good follow up to the mild flavor of the kiwi. We're going back... maybe tomorrow.

When we got home, Dad was home and we cooked sinigang na ulo ng salmon with lots of shrimps. Woohoo! Popsie also defrosted the smaller shrimps by mistake, so he peeled those and I cooked up another batch of gambas for today's lunch.

After dinner, went online.. only to lose the internet at around 1am. Sucks, but no right to complain... we're only freeloading on the darn connection. So God bless whoever owns that account, hehehe. It also rained last night and I didn't realize until that moment how much I missed it. I almost ran up to the rooftop to cavort under the raindrops, but checked myself as it was 1:30am and I certainly do not want to get sick on my last couple of days here.

This morning, just heated up the gambas and sinigang for lunch. I also blanched the broccoli and asparagus for later use (purchased last Sunday, they were quickly losing freshness... sayang naman! They make for good snacking anyway). No plans for today... yet. Just more wishful thinking that I didn't have to go back to Manila.

*sigh*

Day 18: House Arrest, Chopping the Suey and Packing Up

Today found me here at home... all day! I found I wasn't too sleep deprived last night so six hours of snooze time was enough for me. Woke up at 8am, and immediately went into cooking overdrive. Yes, cooking. On the menu: chop suey.

Defrost the pork? Check!
Peel the shrimps? Check!
Wash and cut up the veggies? Check!
Clean the straw mushrooms (and discard those that have gone bad since yesterday)? Check!
Slice the pork into thin strips? Check!

So into a cold pan (yes, cold. As in, no heat on the burner...) went strips of pork fat, skin on. Turned the heat up to Medium and let the fat render (ah, pork fat... smells so good!). In the meantime, bashed up and minced six cloves of garlic. Diced a good-sized onion too, shedding a few tears in the process. After a good ten minutes in the pan, I fished out the now-crispy pork, lowered the heat to low and tossed the garlic in, followed by the onions a minute later. Tossed in a good amount of patis and let that cook. Turned the heat back up to Medium, tossed in lean pork and let that cook for a good seven minutes. Added a good splash of oyster sauce and some water.

When the contents of the pan came up to a boil, I returned the cracklings, eeerrr... crisped pork strips. Dumped in the bell peppers, carrots, baby corn, asparagus, and straw mushrooms. Let that cook for four minutes (more like five, though) before tossing in the shrimp, broccoli and Chinese pechay. After two minutes, adjusted the seasoning (needed a bit of salt) and added a cornstarch slurry to thicken the sauce.

Et viola! Ready for lunch... unfortunately, it was a lunch made for eight people. There are only four of us here at home. All good, though. Leftovers were cleaned up at dinnertime.

So today, I didn't leave the house... not even to go down to the ground floor... I'm starting to like days like this and I don't want to go back to Manila! I don't want to go back to work! Boohoohoo...

Anyway, I repacked my stuff earlier this evening and I succeeded in fitting most of them into a couple of sports bags. The rest of my clothes will go into my hand-carried luggage. Only 1 kilo overbaggage! Hah! Blame the suitcase! Dead weight = 5 kilos! Grrrrr... On the upside, I may or may not pay for that one kilo at the airport (hey, 320 baht can still buy me a dress! Or a pair of shoes...). On the downside, I have an excuse to squeeze in a little more shopping. Uh-oh...

So tomorrow, The Three Little Pigs will go to Central World and Siam Paragon for some last-minute purchases... then the bag stuffing shall begin in earnest. Thankfully, I bought all my pasalubong yesterday and have been able to allocate luggage space for them.

Only four days to go and I will bid beautiful Bangkok sawasdee kha. I wish I didn't have to leave...

Day 17: TRO on Shopping and Overbaggage Fees

Three days ago, I did a "practice" pack, wherein I pack up my stuff as I would do it a day before I leave to check how many kilos I have in excess. At that time, I was about five kilos over-baggage. So I issued myself a TRO: no more shopping for myself. The only things I will shop for are pasalubong for the peeps back in Manila.

Yeah, right!

So today, Popsie took the Three Little Pigs to the Holy Redeemer Church on Soi Ruamrudi for the 11am English service (there is a 12nn service but is conducted in Thai). Well, today is the Feast of the Epiphany and I amazingly remember what it's about. Hardeeharhar...

After the Mass, Popsie and the sisters greeted their peeps from CFC (Couples for Christ) and YFC (Youth For Christ) respectively while I browsed the tiangge that the church had going in the function hall. I was surprised to see a store selling Pinoy stuff: Ligo sardines (green and red), Lucky Me pancit canton (regular, chili and chili-mansi), and Knorr sinigang mix.

Lunch was at a carinderia behind the church. It's owned by a Thai family but the dishes they serve were 90% non-spicy. One could choose two to three viands (I had shrimp with mushroom and chicken with green beans and carrots) to be ladled over a plate of rice. Too much rice, if I may add, as I barely ate half of the serving on my plate. Gulped some ice-cold freshly-squeezed dalandan juice and I was ready for action.

We walked to the Lumpini Park station of the MRT and took it to Phra Ram 9 to get to the I.T. Mall in what I think is called CP Tower 2 (Popsie isn't so sure either). I bought a 500GB external hard drive to back-up all my files on my work machine... I don't want to risk what happened to Dada's laptop a few months ago.

After the pocket-heavy purchase (ok, it wasn't THAT expensive... I'm just bemoaning the fact that I could have bought numerous dresses, shoes and belts with the same amount. Harhar...), Popsie and the Three Little Pigs headed on to MBK. We took the MRT back to Sukhumvit station, where we got off and crossed over to the Asoke station of the BTS all the way to the Siam station. At the Siam station, we crossed over from the BTS-Sukhumvit line to the BTS-Silom line, and rode one station down to National Stadium.

At MBK, I bought shirts for all the peeps back in Manila (ouch, ang dami nun!) as well as a few foodstuffs. All that walking pooped me out, I can tell you that! So after all those purchases, the four of us headed on home via the BTS - from National Stadium to Sala Daeng station.

So now, I'm home and trying to fit all that stuff into my suitcases. Good luck to me. I'll let you know how it goes...

In the meantime, let me munch on some roti from Khun Chao so I can gain back some strength. Harharhar...

Manila, much as I miss you, I'm really not ready to come back home. But I have no choice. I'll see you in six days, durnit!

Day 16: Year 2553 and the Impending End of My Vacation

No more shopping for me! As it is, with just the clothes I've worn for the past two weeks I already have ten freaking kilos in my check-in luggage. Add my recent purchases from two weeks of shopping madness, and it's up to almost twenty. That still does not include the pasalubong I need to buy within the next few days. It's final: shopping is DEAD! I have issued myself a TRO...

Did not leave the house yesterday, except to bring Mom and Bradir's bags to the driveway. Had papaya for lunch... I noticed that I have eaten tons of papaya since I got here two weeks ago. It's quickly becoming my favorite food, which is totally unexpected since I was never such a huge fan of the uber-seeded fruit. The papaya here is a deep red-orange, sweet as heck and as juicy as papayas come! At ten baht per piece (served chilled, cut into bite-size pieces and with a wooden skewer to shove each piece into your gaping maw), it's a steal!

For dinner, Mom made chicken-macaroni soup. This is my ultimate comfort food: chicken wings, liver and heart in a milky broth with chunks of cabbage and bits of carrot. Momsie made a huge batch, which I think we'll be consuming in the next few days. There's only four of us left in the house now: my dad, my two sisters and myself.

It's gonna be really quiet next weekend, am sure...

Mom and Bradir leave for Manila today... Their plane leaves Thai soil at 12:35am. Boohoohoo, not because I'll miss them, but because I'll be seeing them again in exactly seven days. Boohoohoo, not because I don't want to see them, but because a big part of me does not want to go back to Manila.

Too much confusion. Too many memories. Too many decisions to make. Too many lives affected.

True, most of my friends are there. True, my loved and beloved ones are there. True, a huge chunk of my life as I know it is there.

But that is also the exact same reason why I don't want to go back. For the past two weeks, I feel like I've started over again. In a new place I know almost nothing about, where nobody knows my name, where I've been and what I have and have not done. It's a place where almost everyone is a stranger and I am back to square one.

Why can't we do that with our lives - go back to Start, the way we do on countless videogames? Why can't we hide parts of our lives, as we could take down selected posts on our blogs? Why can't we delete certain memories, the way we can remove emails from our mail database at work? Why can't we make things to be the way we want them to be, like Photo-shopping our favorite snapshots?

Why can't I just click "Cancel" when asked to decide between A and B? What if I don't want to choose? What if I want the choice to be taken out of my hands, for once? What if I want a fresh start, not only for myself, but for the people whose lives are entwined with mine (whether by choice or by sheer circumstance) ... the people whose lives I have damaged for eternity (whether I meant to or not)?

We Pinoys (and the rest of the world) may be celebrating the year 2010 right now, but for the Thai peeps it's already 2553. Strange, eh? I wonder how it'd feel to fall asleep now and wake up in 2553, when everything I know and everyone who knows me are long gone? I wonder if that would be the fresh start I need...

In Other News...

(Commercial muna...)

Dear Ginny,

After you called, I went online and surfed like mad. Desperate to read something interesting.

Anything interesting.

Just anything.

Anything to occupy my brain and keep my thoughts from straying back to That-Which-Must-Not-Be-Thought-Of.

I saw this song while randomly picking videos... The lyrics looked promising, I thought. But what sort of promises, I asked. I found out soon enough. You will, too.

Though a part of me wishes you won't... the same part of me that wishes that I didn't.

Touche, darling...

♥ Kaye

Me and my heart...

Wake Up - Coheed and Cambria

I'm gonna ride this plane out of your life again
I wish that I could stay, but you argue
More than this I wish, you could've seen my face
In backseats staring out, the window

I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I love you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

I've earned through hope and faith
On the curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever
If morning never comes for either one of us
Then this I pray to you wherever

I'll do anything for you
This story is for you
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to for you)
I'll do anything for you
Kill anyone for you

So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back
In a phrase to cut these lips
I loved you

The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up

Today is 8 November 2009

Today I realized that I was waiting in vain.

F*ck it. I will wait no more.

"Actions speak louder than words", you said. I hear the message. Loud and clear.

Thank you very much. It was fun while it lasted.