Lost In Translation

I just finished 60 hours of Korean Language classes.

I think the next time I set foot on Seoul (or any other Korean city, for that matter), I won't be the bumbling English-speaking idiot who knows only how to say "Hello", "Thank you" and "How much is this?"

In the meantime, I will pester all my Korean team members to speak in their native tongue when conversing with me... at half-speed. Their normal speech just leaves me befuddled and I catch only 20% of what they say.

So for now, 안녕히 계세요!

What Remains In The Past

Like 99.9% of the population on Earth, I have a past. Of course that past is filled with people who, at one point or another, shared my mundane existence with me.

Lately, I noticed that more than a few of them have reappeared. Most of them, I am more than glad to reconnect with.

They're from all corners of the globe (does a sphere have corners?) but at some point in time, our lives intersected. Now, further down the time-space continuum (in a galaxy far, far away), we've done it again.

By not keeping in touch for the past decade or so, we've missed out on that time's worth of friendship - so many potential memories. So there's nothing better to do than catch up with each other's lives, yes?

Life's too short.

In Defense of J

In September, it will be five years old. "It" being my relationship with J.

In the beginning, nobody was happy for us. Especially my family, first and foremost my mother. At that time, I couldn't understand why they were so opposed to it. Aren't they happy their eldest daughter got out of an unhealthy relationship and moved on to something that just might be for life?

J takes care of me, puts my own happiness first, makes sure I am healthy. J indulges my idiosyncrasies, puts up with my temper, lets me go at it with my bad habits. J is my greatest strength. J is my greatest weakness.

When J and I met, I was an empty shell - alive on the outside, dead on the inside - having just emerged from a nowhere-bound relationship. J had just gotten out of a shitty romance. J and I found each other; we fought for what we had.

I has been five years (almost)... and in defense of J, whom most still think is unfit for me, this I will say: J has given me my reason to live again. So anyone who wishes me dead can just wish J and I never met.

But we did, and I am here to stay. Deal with it.

The (not-so) Secret

My friend, Gee, told me a story one day. Her officemate, Girl R, is a stunner. Tall, slim, doll-faced... with a legion of guys (and an occasional girl) lusting after her and asking to court her - she has declined each and every time. That's because she has a boyfriend since high school, Guy Q - not bad looking but not good looking either. Recently, Guy Q broke up with Girl R... because Guy Q is seeing someone on the side. In Gee's words: "Kung sino pa ang hindi ka-gwapuhan, sya pa ang may ibang babae" (Contextually: How come it's the not-so-good looking guys who see other women on the side?)

I think, after so many failed relationships... I have found the secret to keeping your man by your side.

It is this: Love him enough to make him feel important but not too much to make him complacent. Hold on to him tight enough to let him know he's important but not too much to smother him. Pamper him enough to make him feel special but not too much as to spoil him rotten. Lastly, make yourself available to him enough to let him know he matters... but not too much that he will take you for granted.

But who cares? I may have found the secret to keeping my man but... I, for one, don't give a crap anymore. Harharhar...

Addendum: I don't think this would apply to girlfriends... not unless your girl thinks like a guy! Wifey and I have been together for over four years and I never had to apply those things to her. I guess I have found the secret to keeping your woman by your side: be the right person for your woman, and make sure your woman is the right one for you.

Love (and Christmas) is in the air!

I have a dream...

And that is to be...

*drum roll*

A housewife.

Yes, you got that right: the very thing my own mother warned me not to become. The very thing she chose to be when my younger brother was born into this world. The very thing she and my dad decided she would be to be there for our (their children's) growing years.

Momsie was on her way to a high-powered career. She was working for a multinational company, she had the brains, she had the skills, and she had that "corporate" attitude - something along the lines of "mess with me and you will rue the day your mother went into labor".

I got all that from her - my temper (more fiery and hair-trigger), my taray looks, my ease when it comes to communication (even in a language I do not speak), my razor-sharp tongue (I have made onion-skinned people cry with my normal speaking tone), and lately my "more corporate" look (up until three years ago, my style of dress is more of "collegiate" but I digress").

What I did not get from her is the "corporate dream". I never dreamed of becoming a high-powered executive, driving a luxury car (I'd prefer a pick-up truck!), toting the requisite laptop-BB-handbag combo (a laptop and a non-QWERTY phone will be a-ok), dressed to the nines (this part I can do, hehe), and living in a penthouse condo unit (a home on a farm, please).

All I want is to stay home with my dogs, my (future) kids, my (future) businesses, and keeping house. I'd like to be blogging about my day, the stuff I cook, things from the market, the latest in dogs and kids... you know, a stress-free (in the office/corporate sense of the word) kind of life.

I was home sick a few days ago and, though my body was heavy and wracked with fever with eyes burning like it had ten chili peppers in it, I found I still enjoyed doing the dishes, thinking of dinner, sweeping up the millions of hair my dogs shed, doing the laundry and mopping the floor (my latest addiction).

Momsie said, to be a housewife is to not have your own money (that's why I will put up a business) and to be a victim to routine (which is why I will keep more than one blog, and take lots of pictures). Now, more than a quarter of a century after she first said that to me, I still say I want to become what my mother is.

** Oh yes, PMS-ing!

The Duck House

As I said in my previous entry, Jeni the macho woman was going to attempt to build a house for our little duckies. So on a Sunday she came back with pieces of wood and chicken wire - which she proceeded to saw, hack, cut, hammer, and staple into a duck house.

1) With her assistant, Nadyne and a sleepy Nikka in the background 2) Nikka and Nadyne in the half-finished house

She wasn't kidding when she said she could do it. At ten pm, the last nail was pounded into wood and the little duckies had a home. The doggies liked it too!

Nadyne was very enthralled with the ducklings... the ducklings too, apparently, as they would rush over to whatever side of the house Deedee (Nadyne) was on. Congratulations, my partner in crime. Next time, build a house for us and the four babies. =)

Yes, I am still alive...

Much to the delight of my one or two loyal readers, and the chagrin of my one billion and one haters. Mwahahahaha!

Whew! Jen and I just finished moving to the new house one month ago. This is an apartment about twenty minutes from my place of work and 40 minutes from Jen's. It's not the same place I last blogged about. Yep, welcome to my (crazy) life: stagnant at some point then suddenly it changes at the speed of light.

So, we moved to the apartment a month ago, about fifteen minutes away from our old apartment. The price is Php1,000 (about USD30) more than the old apartment but the floor area is 3x more. Still small but big enough for two bipeds and two medium-sized canines (just recently: to avians to the tune of Anas luzonica). I suck at area approximation but I'd say it's about 40 sqm. It's still a huge mess; we have a lot of stuff to buy, fix and install... but all in all we're happy. The dogs are happy - they have a bigger place to roam in, they have playmates (the neighbors' kids), and they have their mommies all to themselves.

Jen just came back with more than 15 feet worth of wood, three meters of chicken wire, a new hammer and a bunch of nails. She's going to make a home for our two new babies - Patricia (Patty) and Dorothy (Dotty) - the wonder-ducklings! (A digression - Jeni will make it all by herself. I can hang pictures, scrub pots and pans... and mop the floor till kingdom come but I can and never will take up such a project. Jeni, my wifey, the macho woman! Hardeeharhar...)

We aren't actually sure what their genders are BUT we're hoping both are girls. I will be hard pressed to change their names to masculine if we're wrong. Patricio and Doroteo, anyone?

Anyhoo...

On the work front... hmmm, let's just say that I don't have much of a life outside work these days and that I spend more time at work than I do at home. Let's talk about more pleasant things, yes?

On the food front: I'm going to revive my food blog! Hurray! Since food is my biggest obsession and my greatest (non-living form of) happiness, it only makes sense for me to document and write about my best stress-reliever, yes? So I hope this is one thing that will become a reality really soon. I can imagine all the yummy pics (Bradir will teach me how to take good pictures, hopefully), the belly-busting meals (Jeni, my sisters and mom will help me chow down, that's for sure), and the trips to far-flung places in search of culinary satisfaction. Yowzah!

Another thing that I'm cooking up (that I hope will become a reality in about a year's time) is a store... I 've done two pilot runs (one successful, the other one less so) that convinced me that 1) it's possible, but 2) I need to prepare and study and polish my plans more. So yeah... despite everything that's happening in my life, I still have plans of adding more stuff to crowd my already crazy schedule. I'm masochistic that way, harrrr...

So yeah, I just wanted to check in to assure my two or three loyal readers that YES, I AM STILL ALIVE! So I will still be blogging about once or twice a week... and more frequently on my food blog. I HOPE!

48 hours down, 48 hours to go...

The plane left at 9:35PM on the dot. We arrived 25 minutes early. Definitely a first for me...

48 of the best hours this month, so far. 48 to go and I am getting sadder by the moment. Whenever I'm here, I never want to go back to Manila. When I'm in Manila, all I think about is the next time I come here (and eat som tam coz I'm takaw like dut...) - crazy I know but I love it here. I love this city more than I love the city I have lived in for the later half of my life.

I want to call this home but I can't.

It was not meant to be.

Just like you and me.

And so, as I need to say farewell to this beautiful city I wish were my own, I need to say goodbye to you too. You, whom I wish were my own too.

Time will heal all wounds.

Pray tell... why do I write such incoherent posts lately?

This Is Why I Hate Math...

Through the years, my Math teachers always had that great power to inflict pain on me. All they had to do was start with: "If A = B and B= C, then A = C"... Give me a few seconds and my brows furrow in irritation. A few more minutes and my skin starts to blister. A couple more minutes and I'll run screaming out the door where uniformed attendants are waiting to strait-jacket me and tie me to a front-row desk. Okay... the last two sentences were just in my over-active imagination, but am sure you get the picture.

So, on the topic of "If A=B... " ek-ek.-ology.. this is my opinion: If someone is important to you, you don't necessarily love him/her. But if you love someone, it is automatic that he/she is important to you. Agree?

I, for one, definitely do. Of course I would not have written those words for someone had I not believed them in the first place. But yes, I do believe that loving someone immediately elevates that person's importance in your life by 100 steps.

So... I would much rather be loved than to be deemed important (a digression: politics was never one of my aspirations. I'd rather be loved than to be made important. You know, love is all that matters and all that crap...), that much is true. But I do wish I would be loved enough to be deemed important.

A is not always equal to C.

Day 16: Year 2553 and the Impending End of My Vacation

No more shopping for me! As it is, with just the clothes I've worn for the past two weeks I already have ten freaking kilos in my check-in luggage. Add my recent purchases from two weeks of shopping madness, and it's up to almost twenty. That still does not include the pasalubong I need to buy within the next few days. It's final: shopping is DEAD! I have issued myself a TRO...

Did not leave the house yesterday, except to bring Mom and Bradir's bags to the driveway. Had papaya for lunch... I noticed that I have eaten tons of papaya since I got here two weeks ago. It's quickly becoming my favorite food, which is totally unexpected since I was never such a huge fan of the uber-seeded fruit. The papaya here is a deep red-orange, sweet as heck and as juicy as papayas come! At ten baht per piece (served chilled, cut into bite-size pieces and with a wooden skewer to shove each piece into your gaping maw), it's a steal!

For dinner, Mom made chicken-macaroni soup. This is my ultimate comfort food: chicken wings, liver and heart in a milky broth with chunks of cabbage and bits of carrot. Momsie made a huge batch, which I think we'll be consuming in the next few days. There's only four of us left in the house now: my dad, my two sisters and myself.

It's gonna be really quiet next weekend, am sure...

Mom and Bradir leave for Manila today... Their plane leaves Thai soil at 12:35am. Boohoohoo, not because I'll miss them, but because I'll be seeing them again in exactly seven days. Boohoohoo, not because I don't want to see them, but because a big part of me does not want to go back to Manila.

Too much confusion. Too many memories. Too many decisions to make. Too many lives affected.

True, most of my friends are there. True, my loved and beloved ones are there. True, a huge chunk of my life as I know it is there.

But that is also the exact same reason why I don't want to go back. For the past two weeks, I feel like I've started over again. In a new place I know almost nothing about, where nobody knows my name, where I've been and what I have and have not done. It's a place where almost everyone is a stranger and I am back to square one.

Why can't we do that with our lives - go back to Start, the way we do on countless videogames? Why can't we hide parts of our lives, as we could take down selected posts on our blogs? Why can't we delete certain memories, the way we can remove emails from our mail database at work? Why can't we make things to be the way we want them to be, like Photo-shopping our favorite snapshots?

Why can't I just click "Cancel" when asked to decide between A and B? What if I don't want to choose? What if I want the choice to be taken out of my hands, for once? What if I want a fresh start, not only for myself, but for the people whose lives are entwined with mine (whether by choice or by sheer circumstance) ... the people whose lives I have damaged for eternity (whether I meant to or not)?

We Pinoys (and the rest of the world) may be celebrating the year 2010 right now, but for the Thai peeps it's already 2553. Strange, eh? I wonder how it'd feel to fall asleep now and wake up in 2553, when everything I know and everyone who knows me are long gone? I wonder if that would be the fresh start I need...

The 30-day Mark...

So it has been thirty days since... 1) Ondoy hit the Philippines and washed away A LOT of stuff; 2) a nameless storm hit and washed away 3 years+ of... stuff.

ANYWAY, now is not the time to mope. Now is a time to celebrate because my Pisay roommate of three years is now... MARRIED! Congratulations, Mrs. Abigail Pascual-Olayres. Like I said in my speech, I am SO happy for you... obvious naman sa dami ng all-caps na ginamit ko diba?

Pictures not yet uploaded, too tired to do so. Rey, share your pics!

♥ ♥ ♥

Today, 25 October 2009:

I have been smoke-free for 85 days...and I still don't miss it.

I missed the 3K Run for Life this morning. For the life of me, sleep and comfort felt more important than a marathon I have been wanting to run for months now.

I saw a Pisay friend walk down the aisle and marry her sweetheart of 9 (?) years. Aaaawww...

I still am not in a hurry to get married, though... much less enter another serious relationship yet again. I'd rather live vicariously in that aspect for the time being, thank you very much!

I met up with my other Pisay friends and it made me realize how much this job is really disconnecting me from the world I once inhabited. It makes me wonder: is it still worth it?

I have been thinking since last night: There is always a FIRST time for everything... and I have been wanting to ask "so when was the last time YOU did something for the first time?"

♥ ♥ ♥

So there's this talk of another big storm hitting the country in a week's time. God have mercy on us all...

Before I hit the sack, I would just like to say: Actions speak louder than words. If your actions can vouch for you, don't bother with words. They most often complicate things.

Harharhar...

On This Day - 6 September 2009

I have been smoke-free for 35 days.

I have run a total of 30km in the past month.

I have consumed more chocolate-covered cereal in one sitting than any normal homo sapiens should consume in one week.

I realized that things happen... not necessarily for a reason.

That doesn't change the fact that I still have the need to ask "Why?" without necessarily having the need to hear the answer.

Still... why?

Ponder THIS...

"One grows distant from another not because of indifference, but because of fear. There's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer; a recognition of the tendency to fall deeply, and consequently drown in a quicksand of stupid irrationalities. Sometimes, what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it"

@>-;-----

Is this what's driving you away? Or am I just assuming too much? Maybe I was wrong, maybe nothing's driving you away. Maybe you were never HERE in the first place. Maybe there was never anything there after all...

@>-;-----

Cross-posting from FB:

1 What's your latest addiction?

♥ Any and all activities that punish my body and make me sweat. No, sex is not one of them *lol*

2 What are you listening to?

♥ Be OK - Ingrid Michaelson

"Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts"

3 How late did you stay up last night and why?
♥ Until...uh....wait, I haven't slept in the past 33 hours. 0_o

4 Who were the last 2 people to text you?

♥ Paolo and Jovi

5 Any plans for tonight?

♥ Dinner with Ceccz and Rei. Go home to Nikka to take her for a walk and some pooch quality time

6 Who were you with last Friday night?

♥ SECRET =) Basta I was happy with the people I spent Friday with

7 Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

♥ Depende sa kanya... *lol* Ayoko nang magsalita!

8 What radio station do you listen to the most?

♥ NU Rock 107.5 and URock 105.9

9 When was the last time you cried?

♥ I guess last week. Lost. Dazed. Confused. Tired. What can I say? =P

10 Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

♥ Oh hell yeah! It wasn't a pretty sight!

11 What does the fifth text in your inbox say?

♥ Jovi: "Ahehe tnx. Out na video sa MVT and MYX. San yung Urbandub event? May event ang UG tomorrow night, baka dun ako pumunta pag sinipag"

12 What movie you seen last?

♥ HP6? I hated how bitin it was! Grrrr...

13 What’s your outfit right now?

♥ Black mid-thigh length stretch dress and salmon-colored footless tights with black and white patterned 3-inch wedge sandals

(opo, walang 14-15)

16 What were you doing at 11 pm last night?

♥ Walking Nikka outside, against the vet's advice. Harhar...

17 Who was the last person you texted to last night before bed?

♥ I haven't gone to bed so... the last person I texted before I "slept" was Dada. Hoping she was ok.

18 Will you be driving in a year?

♥ In my new car? Hopefully yes, if all things fall into place as I planned. Excited to get my Foxtrot (yeah, may name na sya kahit wala pa sya saken)!

19 Is there anything that you are craving right now?

♥ Bacon waffles with whipped butter. Does going to La Union to surf count? That's a craving too, right? *lol*

20 When and where did your most memorable "hug" take place?

♥ Aaahhhrrr... Sometime last week, very early in the morning somewhere down South. My lips are sealed, though =)

21 Single or taken?

♥ Single is sexy...I'm not! Not THAT way anyway! *lol* Taken... for granted?

22 Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but"?

♥ Hell yeah... though, most of the time I skip the "No offense" part and go ahead to the offensive part. *lol*

23 Do you drink tea?

♥ Yeys! Bring it on! Tropical Passion from CBTL, I heart you!

24 Have you ever been arrested?

♥ Nope and I hope I never will be

25 Have you rode in someone else's car today?

♥ SECRET! =D Mahirap na...

26 Have you made a mistake this past week?

♥ Of course, I'm sure. I am but human.

27 Who was the last person you texted?

♥ This morning? Paolo, to confirm if we're going to Abi's wedding together. Ayoko magdrive... umagang umaga!

28 Are you happy with your life right now?

♥ Hmmm... yeah... I'm happy with the new things (and people) I'm involving myself in (with). =D

29 In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence of?

♥ Insomnia. Sleeplessness. Rambling thoughts. No, not drugs.

30 What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?

♥ My best friend of 14 years. =) Aymishu, PVP!

31 Do you think someone will repost this?

♥ Most def!

32 Do you miss someone?

♥ Of course... but I won't tell you who! Mahirap na...

33 Do you think the person that you miss, misses you too?

♥ I sure hope so, it'll be too sad if that's not the case...

@>-;-----

Tala: Mukha ka nanamang tanga dyan... tama bang magbasa ng chat history? Kahit magbasa ka nang magbasa hanggang lumuwa ang mga mata mo, hindi sasagot yan. Hindi sya sasagot dahil hindi niya alam. Eh kung sabihin mo kaya sa kanya at nang magka-alaman na?

Star: Hindi pwede. Hindi pa ngayon ang tamang panahon.

Tala: Kung hindi ngayon, kelan pa?

Star: Hindi ko alam. Next year? Two years from now? Never? Baka nga never.

Tala: Bakit naman never?

Star: Kasi baka mali ang basa ko sa mga senyales. Baka wala naman palang kahulugan lahat ng mga ginawa at sinabi nya.

Tala: Pano mo malalaman kung hindi mo tatanungin?

Star: Ayokong mauna. Palagi na lang akong nauuna palagi... At nauuna lang din akong masaktan palagi. Nakakasawa na.

@>-;-----

"We need to talk" >> the four MOST dangerous English words.

Random Thoughts On Another Sleepless Night (Morning?)

SKL na nababaliw na ata ako sa kakaisip sa kanya. Hindi na tama ito. May meaning ba ang "Text ka pag nakauwi ka na" o ang "Text ka pag nasa bahay ka na"?

SKL na ala-una na. May pasok pako ng 7AM. Hindi ako makatulog. Iniisip ko siya. Iniisip ko work. Iniisip ko ang ngayon. Ang bukas. Ang kahapon.

SKL na ayoko nang mag-isip.

@>-,------

BB,

Thank you for the fantastic weekend. You have no idea of the effect you have on me. But if it were up to me, I won't let you know. Not yet, anyway.

GB

@>-,------

Overhang,

You push me to try bigger things than I am used to. You encourage me to try and just laugh at myself should I fail.

It was you who said "At least na-try mo".

It was you who said "Cool ka lang. Hindi mo problema ang problema ng buong mundo."

It was you who said "Ok lang yan. Kakayanin natin ito."

Why aren't you the one I'm spending my time with?!?

15-Degree-Incline

@>-,------

When a person's influence practically dictates your playlists... you're in big trouble! Be still, my heart!

@>-,------

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

----- "All Around Me" - Flyleaf

@>-,------

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted...all the time. Tang*na mo, ang hirap mo ispelingin! Hayuf!

Good morning, world...

The Biggest Lie

Do you know what the biggest lie of all time is? Read on.

"I had/have no choice."

B*llsh*t. One ceases to be human when one ceases to have a choice. Yes, as human beings we always have a choice. There is always at least ONE choice available to us in any given situation at any given time. It's just that the available choices are sometimes not favorable for us, so we choose to bluff our way out of our choice by claiming to have no choice.

What the... Even choosing not to choose is already a choice.

What's with this post? Well, I thought there was such a thing as "freedon of speech" and "freedom of expression". You know, benefits of being part of a democracy or some phony showcase thereof. Anyway, I just said I was pro-choice and that SexEd should be part of the elementary and high school curriculum.

Why? I believe that a human being who makes an informed choice ultimately chooses better. A human child who does not learn "things" from her parents or her school will learn it from other media: TV, radio, print, Hollywood, the porn industry, her friends... heck, even music! So if my daughter/son is expected to make a choice for her/himself, she/he may as damn well be informed on the choice she/he is to make.

Makes sense? Apparently not.

I have been called (among many things): a "female dog" (that's Nikka, not me!), a slanderer (what the?), a bigot (huh?), a sl*t (slot machine? Sa casino yun diba?), and a p*rn hugger (as opposed to a tree hugger, maybe?).

Cool it, people. What's with the hot heads? Dahan-dahan lang! Tandaan, habang iniipit ay lalong umiinit. Habang pinipigil, lalong nang-gigigil.

Ampf...

@>-;------

"But that's not an invitation; that's all I get
If this is communication, I disconnect...
...and I hold the record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation..."

@>-;------

On the subject of choice... I choose not to choose since a choice is not called for. We can be as we are, we can do as we did, we can be as we were. No questions asked. None yet anyway.

As I said on Facebook: "You have no idea of the effect you have on me. But if it were up to me, I won't let you know. Not yet, anyway."

The perfect time will come... and it will be when both of us least expect it.

I know it will be perfect when the time comes. It will be worth the wait.