In Defense of J

In September, it will be five years old. "It" being my relationship with J.

In the beginning, nobody was happy for us. Especially my family, first and foremost my mother. At that time, I couldn't understand why they were so opposed to it. Aren't they happy their eldest daughter got out of an unhealthy relationship and moved on to something that just might be for life?

J takes care of me, puts my own happiness first, makes sure I am healthy. J indulges my idiosyncrasies, puts up with my temper, lets me go at it with my bad habits. J is my greatest strength. J is my greatest weakness.

When J and I met, I was an empty shell - alive on the outside, dead on the inside - having just emerged from a nowhere-bound relationship. J had just gotten out of a shitty romance. J and I found each other; we fought for what we had.

I has been five years (almost)... and in defense of J, whom most still think is unfit for me, this I will say: J has given me my reason to live again. So anyone who wishes me dead can just wish J and I never met.

But we did, and I am here to stay. Deal with it.

The (not-so) Secret

My friend, Gee, told me a story one day. Her officemate, Girl R, is a stunner. Tall, slim, doll-faced... with a legion of guys (and an occasional girl) lusting after her and asking to court her - she has declined each and every time. That's because she has a boyfriend since high school, Guy Q - not bad looking but not good looking either. Recently, Guy Q broke up with Girl R... because Guy Q is seeing someone on the side. In Gee's words: "Kung sino pa ang hindi ka-gwapuhan, sya pa ang may ibang babae" (Contextually: How come it's the not-so-good looking guys who see other women on the side?)

I think, after so many failed relationships... I have found the secret to keeping your man by your side.

It is this: Love him enough to make him feel important but not too much to make him complacent. Hold on to him tight enough to let him know he's important but not too much to smother him. Pamper him enough to make him feel special but not too much as to spoil him rotten. Lastly, make yourself available to him enough to let him know he matters... but not too much that he will take you for granted.

But who cares? I may have found the secret to keeping my man but... I, for one, don't give a crap anymore. Harharhar...

Addendum: I don't think this would apply to girlfriends... not unless your girl thinks like a guy! Wifey and I have been together for over four years and I never had to apply those things to her. I guess I have found the secret to keeping your woman by your side: be the right person for your woman, and make sure your woman is the right one for you.

Love (and Christmas) is in the air!

48 hours down, 48 hours to go...

The plane left at 9:35PM on the dot. We arrived 25 minutes early. Definitely a first for me...

48 of the best hours this month, so far. 48 to go and I am getting sadder by the moment. Whenever I'm here, I never want to go back to Manila. When I'm in Manila, all I think about is the next time I come here (and eat som tam coz I'm takaw like dut...) - crazy I know but I love it here. I love this city more than I love the city I have lived in for the later half of my life.

I want to call this home but I can't.

It was not meant to be.

Just like you and me.

And so, as I need to say farewell to this beautiful city I wish were my own, I need to say goodbye to you too. You, whom I wish were my own too.

Time will heal all wounds.

Pray tell... why do I write such incoherent posts lately?

TODAY (Day 11): Realization...

But we all know that life is unfair; we don't always get what we want...

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You Were Saying?!?

ONE: Do you love me today?

TWO: Bakit naman "today" lang? Lagi naman kitang mahal...

ONE: It's only today that matters to me. Hindi naman natin alam kung may bukas pa tayo eh. Our "today" is the only time we have that we are certain is really ours.

TWO: What do you mean by that? Love mo ba ako today tapos bukas hindi na? Bukas ba iiwan mo na ako?

ONE: Hindi sa ganun. Hindi natin alam, baka bukas masagasaan ako ng tren. Baka bukas mabangga ako ng truck, maholdap at masaksak, atakihin sa puso sa stress, hindi na magising...

TWO: Kaya nga nag-iingat diba? Para sigurado tayong may bukas pa tayo para magmahalan?

ONE: Hindi din kasiguraduhan yun... pag oras mo na, oras mo na.

TWO: Nakakalungkot naman isipin.

ONE: Wag mo nang isipin... dadating yan kung kelan dapat. It's a matter of "when", not "if". So... do you love me today?

TWO: Yes, I love you today. I loved you yesterday and every day before that since the day I realized it. I will love you tomorrow and every day I will live thereafter.

ONE: That sounds so nice... but we don't know that either... As long as you love me today, I'll be ok. That's enough for me.

There's A Fine, Fine Line...

Yes, I saw Avenue Q with Paolo the other night. Aside from singing along like two 3-year olds in front of Sesame Street (with nudity and foul words), I also felt like sticking a knife between my ribs hearing this song again after ten million years... Okay, two years.

This is a song by Kate Monster after Princeton dumps her to find his purpose (ugh, I do hate that word). Emphasis 100% mine...

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

I sure hope you're not wasting my time as I am making sure I'm not wasting yours. Coz that would suck...

This Is Why I Hate Math...

Through the years, my Math teachers always had that great power to inflict pain on me. All they had to do was start with: "If A = B and B= C, then A = C"... Give me a few seconds and my brows furrow in irritation. A few more minutes and my skin starts to blister. A couple more minutes and I'll run screaming out the door where uniformed attendants are waiting to strait-jacket me and tie me to a front-row desk. Okay... the last two sentences were just in my over-active imagination, but am sure you get the picture.

So, on the topic of "If A=B... " ek-ek.-ology.. this is my opinion: If someone is important to you, you don't necessarily love him/her. But if you love someone, it is automatic that he/she is important to you. Agree?

I, for one, definitely do. Of course I would not have written those words for someone had I not believed them in the first place. But yes, I do believe that loving someone immediately elevates that person's importance in your life by 100 steps.

So... I would much rather be loved than to be deemed important (a digression: politics was never one of my aspirations. I'd rather be loved than to be made important. You know, love is all that matters and all that crap...), that much is true. But I do wish I would be loved enough to be deemed important.

A is not always equal to C.

TODAY (Day 10): Words Are Never Enough

Still, they're all I have left.
They will have to do...

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Relasyones Chuvaness!

From Facebook:

"... a successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper everytime. Each time on a whole new level you together open in love and discover the truth of your beloved anew. There is no limit to the beauty of your beloved. If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing."

Awww gawd...

Well, what if the relationship in itself is something that your family and society in general frowns upon? What if it is something God forbids?

What...ever!

TODAY (Day 9): Error!

I promised myself I won't make the same mistake twice.
I'm doing what I can.
Please, let me...

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TODAY (Day 8): Expectation is a BITCH!

I'm sorry. I was looking for something in you, and when I couldn't find it, I tried looking for it elsewhere. I forgot that this is what loving you is about: accepting you for what you are and despite what you're not. I hope it's not too late...

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TODAY (Day 7): Things Haven't Changed

I hope you read this... I meant for you to see it.

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TODAY (Day 6): Perfection Is Relative

"We are the perfect couple. We're just not in the perfect situation."

I wonder why I feel that this was made especially for us?

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TODAY (Day 5): I Never Stopped Loving You...

I will NEVER stop loving you...

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TODAY (Day 4): Nowhere To Go

I wish I could make you see that yours is not the only heart that's broken, that yours is not the only life that's now incomplete, and yours is not the only happiness that is insincere...

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TODAY (Day 3): Life Is Good; Life is Painful

I won't pretend to know what you feel, but I believe that life is good because life hurts. But I'm still sorry that it had to hurt you too...

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TODAY (Day 2): To Err Is To Be Human...

We had the time of our lives, didn't we? But time, like everything else, runs out too. Thank you for everything...

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TODAY (Day 1): People Lie...

I'm sorry. I, too, am but human... Forgive me...

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