Do Not Disturb

Being busy strangely leaves me with a hollow silence in my head where memories resonate. While I exalt "busy-ness" as a good state to be in when I don't want to hear myself think, I found recently that despite the reports to run, specs to review and deadlines to meet my brain still has the energy to reminisce.

I miss how comparatively laid-back my old job was. After 8 manic hours with the kids, I had the late afternoon and the whole night to myself.

I miss rainy afternoons when I would choose to stay at a nearby mall, have coffee, read a book and just watch the world go by.

I miss choosing to take an FX and deliberately get myself stuck in traffic so I can people-watch while music was blasted into my ears at bone-crushing decibel levels. Listening to Rage Against The Machine while watching two drivers argue about who crashed into whose vehicle was as surreal as hearing Usher croon "I just wanna take it nice and slow" in time to a couple gobbling each other up across the aisle from me.

I miss preferring to stay at the grandstand or in the Sunken Garden after MA classes until 9 or 10 in the evening and listening to the crickets or eyeing die-hard Pele wannabes punish themselves on the lush grass.

I miss the choices I could make back then.

Right now, even my own time is no longer in my hands.

This time, the choice is no longer mine.

@>-;------

On a lighter, less serious note...

Baby Sky is thriving and is a precocious kiddo approaching the Terrible Two's. But a gorgeous child like this can throw a tantrum ANYTIME. Harhar...

Sky was born two days shy of Valentines' Day but this kiddo is full of love-o!

He is still breast-fed when Mommy is at home but is forced to drink formula (which he hates) when she's not around. He prefers...get this... fresh milk and Nestle Chuckie!

Baby Sky, I can't wait to take you on your next Christmas shopping spree. Time does fly so fast, doesn't it?

Rule Number One: Thou Shalt Proof-read!

I was going through my past entries and I saw glaring spelling and/or grammatical errors. Everyone who knows me knows how much these things irritate me. So now I am paying the price of not proof-reading my post before actually publishing the darn thing.

Oh, crapology!

Warranted of Arrested

Don't mind the title. It's got nothing to do with the entry.

On my other blog, the Divine Miss M! replied to my recent "second chances" rant:

"You give people second chances because when people make mistakes they learn and they become better versions of themselves. We don't always know what we are doing the first time. No school to teach us how to fall in love, how to be good lovers, how not to falter. And when we cut off from our lives people we loved, we cut off part of ourselves. And time will come when we've shaved off so many little bits that we don't recognise ourselves anymore. I know it's hard to forgive, but it's far easier to do that than live the rest of your life harbouring pain and resentment. Less baggage."

I started out replying to my aunt's comment BUT realized the reply warranted it's own entry (hence the screwed up title of this entry).

I didn't specify exactly what I was ranting about... nor did I specify who. But if we must discuss it from the POV of L-O-V-E... So we shall.

Oh but I do give second, third, fourth and even tenth chances... provided we haven't broken up yet. But once we've broken up, that's another story. Sure, all's forgiven and forgotten but I am not the type to reconcile with an ex. Once she walks away, she's history. She should've considered that before she stepped out the door.

As I've said in a previous blog on another site (hehehe), forgiveness comes to me as easy as exhaling. After all, what more can I do? The damage is done, the pain inflicted, the tears have fallen (and have dried up)... anufangavang magagawa ko dabah? But forgiveness does not equate with everything's-fine-and-dandy-let's-go-out-and-grab-a-couple-of-beers-and-maybe-rekindle-our-love! Neither does it equate with okay-we-may-no-longer-be-lovers-but-we-sure-as-heck-can-be-friends.

When someone (or something, hehe) breaks my heart, kicks me in the shins, tears my soul apart, kills me softly, bloody murders me... aba, suntukan na 'to! For that person to do that to me indicates a breach of trust. Whatever respect and trust we had between us has been betrayed... and that is something I do not take lightly. Call me callous, call me a female dog, call me mean but trust is something I take very seriously. When that is destroyed, almost nothing can bring it back (I didn't say nothing...there's a 1% chance that the person can regain it). For me, to forgive means I will let go of the pain and the betrayal. I will forget that he person ever caused it. But I won't let that person come close again. Why should I? So you can do it again? Neknek mo! Ano ako, tanga?

So much for forgiveness in the POV of L-O-V-E. But forgiveness doesn't just need to happen in love. It needs to happen on an everyday basis, sometimes every minute, every second. Someone is always hurt in some way by someone else. An ego bruised, an opinion lambasted, a person stepped on (hell yeah, this happens way too many times you would think there was a prize for doing this the most number of times), a friend brushed aside, a significat other taken for granted. As REM puts it... everybody hurts. But not everyone who does the hurting realizes what they have done. Either that or they just don't give a session of aerial coitus.

Without forgiveness, think of how much emotional baggage everyone would be carrying around.

My point (and I do have one - Ellen DeGeneres) is: I forgive. A lot. Easily. Many times over. The only difference is...I learn.

Happy Hearts Day!

I'm not very fond of flowers... It's a known fact (quite an obvious one looking at my curves - too much of them in one place!) that I would rather get chocolates. No, it's not because of the line "Ang babae ay parang bulaklak. Huwag mong pipitasin kung sisirain mo lang" from A Love Story (though I believe it makes sense). I also do not celebrate V-day. In my mind, it is a shallow commercially-driven waste of resources. But I am still a girl and I still get lovestruck sometimes. Who can resist coming home after a long stressful Friday the 13th in the office to find a boquet of roses on top of the fridge? (A digression, my current apartment is so tiny that my bedroom doors opens up to the fridge) Never mind that I am not fond or roses. Never mind that roses (in my narrow-minded, selfish opinion) are my least favorite cliche...errrr, flowers. It's the thought that counts! The color isn't so bad too. At least they're not red!

Happy First Birthday, Baby SKY!

I look forward to holding you in my arms and sharing a meal with you again. My treat! I love you, Baby SKY! =)

When It's O-V-E-R...

... That's the time I fall in love again.

So goes the song... but, but, BUT it doesn't work that way for me.

When it's over, it's really over. There are no second chances. Do it right the first time. Every time.

Why go for second chances when the chance has been given? Would it be my fault that you screwed up that chance? Would I be so mean to not grant you a second chance?

I do not believe in second chances. If you could have done it right, you should have done it right the first time around.

So... NO. No second chances. Why should I afford you that when I don't even allow myself that luxury? Ano ka, swerte?!?

P.S. (On a totally unrelated note): Rest in peace, Anabel.

A Portent of D-O-O-M

A few minutes into the New Year, I had my first portent of doom: this will NOT be a good year for me. I just k-n-o-w it. Well, the doomsayer said "I just know it."

But what the hey! I've been told many times at various points in my life that I had only a few weeks to a few months of my (dreary) life left to live. What can I say, ang masamang damo ay mahirap kitlan ng lifeness. Hehehehe... So my apologies to those who hate me with every fiber of their being. I'm here to stay. Live with it... for a few more months or so (if the latest doomsayer is to be believed).

But Anabel Bosch still has a full life ahead of her and your prayers will be instrumental in helping her live that life. I don't know her personally, only as an artist. But there is no law (by man or by God) that restricts prayers to those we know personally. Read about it HERE (and I'm sure other blog sites will have it) and get prayin'!