You're right... you really did need to figure yourself out. Because, God knows, you are one hard nut to crack.
How could you think I wasn't taking you seriously? How could you think I was going to leave you?
Are we going to have to go through the memory banks again?
Ok, ok! Fine, let's get it over with! Load CD#1 and press play.
Christmas Day. Starbucks. Two brewed coffees. Big bag. On your way home to your mom. I love you Espresso. I love you Endorphin.
New Year's Day. Off to see Miss Long Term's family.
New Year's night. 6 bottles of beer. 3 hours on the cellphone with my bestfriend. He's wondering why you're breaking up with me again. Again! Do you remember?
Oh, I do. How did it go again? "I don't deserve you? I'm not worthy. Sa iba ka na lang. Maraming mga katulad ko... sa zoo."
I wonder if you remember why that happened. I'll tell you... you tried to break up with Miss Long Term. And whatever words passed her lips made you want to leave me.
How about when she found your other phone and she read our messages to each other? Do you remember what you said to her? Oh, I do. "Hindi mo man lang nirespeto ang mga gamit ko."
There was something that happened that very same day on the driveway in front of your mother's house one fateful Sunday afternoon. Do you have any idea what it was? Yes, you broke up with me again! You left me. Again.
Are we starting to see a pattern? You left me when Miss Long Term picked a fight with you. You left me when Miss Long Term found our pictures on an out-of-town trip. You left me when Miss Long Term confronted you about me and said "nagpapakasarap ka sa aming dalawa".
So, how in the living hell did it ever occur to you that I would leave you? Hello?!?
Next point: my classmate would be starting a new institution in a town about 20 minutes from your then workplace. She wanted me to pilot the project. I was prepared to move 2 hours away from my friends and family to be with you. I was ready to uproot myself and settle down somewhere in the middle of nowhere (nowhere near Manila, anyway)). Just to be with you.
And yet you say I wasn't taking you seriously? Hello?!?
Stop CD. Eject. Power off.
When you want something so bad, you fight for it with everything you have. You would stop caring about yourself. You wouldn't give a shit about what other people think or what other people will say. You'd put yourself last. Your everything will be geared towards getting that something that you want with all your heart and soul.
When you don't give your all, when you think of yourself first before that one thing you wanted, when you thought of anything else before it then you did not want it enough.
No, it wasn't you who did not deserve me. It was I who did not deserve you. I did not deserve that effort from you.
Because in your mind, whether you admit it or not: I was not worth fighting for.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't forgiven you. I already have a long time ago. I forgave you each and every time my heart broke. I forgave you each and every time you left me. Up until your last departure, I forgave you.
Hoho! But don't get me wrong either. Forgiveness and friendship are two mutually exclusive things. Like love and sex. Like pleasure and pain. Like remembering and wanting to communicate. Like... oil and water? *lol*
Like loving two women at the same time: they can both be in your heart but only one can be the love of your life.
Sounds familiar? *lol*
Her famous last words were that she did not think I was enough. Well, well... enough said. Don't you agree? *lol*
~*~*~*~*~*~When you come back, I will not slap your face until it bleeds.
When you come back, I will not cuss at you nor yell at you.
When you come back, I will not do to you all the hurtful things you did to me. (You, of all people, should know that that's not my style. Don't insult me.)
You know why? Everything may be fine and dandy with you and Miss Long Term. But you and I are not getting there in the near future.
Not by a long shot.
Listening to: Too Little, Too Late - Jojo
"So let me on down
Because time has made me strong
I'm starting to move on
I'm gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know it's just too little too late"